More recently I’ve realised life is made up of phases, macro and micro ones. A macro phase could be a career or relationship, a micro one parenting a baby before they reach toddler age (like you are right now Riley, 8 months old already).
Macro phases for me fit into decades of my life. My first 20 years were focused on learning basic life skills, formal education and being shaped as a person.
John Lennon summed up what you’ll be up against for this phase in his song Working class hero. His lyrics are powerful and 40 years later they still hold true. Yet it doesn’t have to be like this, your mum and I are here in part to make that difference.
As soon as you’re born they make you feel small
By giving you no time instead of it all
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
They hurt you at home and they hit you at school
They hate you if you’re clever and they despise a fool
Till you’re so fucking crazy you can’t follow their rules
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
When they’ve tortured and scared you for twenty-odd years
Then they expect you to pick a career
When you can’t really function you’re so full of fear
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV
And you think you’re so clever and classless and free
But you’re still fucking peasants as far as I can see
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
There’s room at the top they’re telling you still
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill
If you want to be like the folks on the hill
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
If you want to be a hero well just follow me
If you want to be a hero well just follow me
My twenties were about escaping the fixed mindset and hang ups I’d been shaped with. This was my major learning phase, one were I found the world was larger than I could ever have imagined. One where I travelled and met as many types of people and experienced as many cultures as I could. I had major highs and major lows. All of this enabled me to move into my thirties a different person, a person I really wanted to be.
I’m hopeful you won’t feel like escaping the person you’ve become in your twenties. What I do hope is that you’ll use this phase in life to open your mind, begin learning what life truly is, travel and make friends from different cultures and parts of the world. Your twenties are there to soak up experiences, experiment, fall down and get back up stronger.
My thirties were my mastery phase. One were I took the experiences and person I’d become and began giving back to the world as best I could. I began to master relationships, love, being loved (don’t assume that comes naturally) and being there for others. I’m already in my forties and have mastered none of these, though I’m much better than I was. Mastery isn’t a destination, it’s not about winning or being the best, it’s about learning and taking that learning to do something differently, continuously.
Use your thirties not to settle, but ground yourself. Find and be with your love, begin building your legacy for the world and those around you, add value and never stop mastering.
My forties continue my mastery phase, only this time I’m mastering fatherhood and parenting. I’m 45 in a few months and at 25 if you’d said I’d make it to this age I’d have laughed. Yet here I am, alive, happy, fulfilled and able to understand and feel unconditional love for the first time.
Use your forties to build on your wisdom and value. Teach, be a role model, most of all, give yourself to others as much as you can, you’re not just here for you.
So at 44 going on 45, I’ve a lot to learn and master still. I’m hopeful I’m sharing enough and and being the father that helps you become the person you want to be. The best thing I can pass on to you is the notion that life isn’t fixed, no matter what age we are. You own your story, you’re the author, design your life.