It’s fair to say that having children has been the toughest and most rewarding journey I’ve ever embarked on. This morning I sat on the train headed for the office, the whirlwind of my life was weighing heavily on my mind. Why am I always so busy? Why aren’t I getting far with my personal projects? Why do I have times where I’m not as energetic and enthusiastic as I used to be?
As I sat there pondering these questions, I began listening to Pure Calm, the music played during the birth of both my children. Relaxing yoga / hippie music that’s not to everyone’s tastes though it’s very relaxing. It reminded me of quieter times, evenings spent with my wife and our first son as he fed and drifted off to sleep at night. Each time I hear it I’m also reminded of times during the day when our dog and son slept peacefully while it played in the background. The house was calm during those times, I had a new job that was going well and the world seemed to have slowed to a manageable pace.
Our first son is very calm, he thinks a lot and sometimes he’s so quiet and busy with his Lego you wouldn’t know he’s in the room with you. Then came son number two, a lively, loud, inquisitive baby, where you couldn’t possibly be in the same room and not know he was there. Both wonderful kiddos in their own way, yet very different too, despite our parenting style being the same for both.
In the book How not to f*ck them up by Oliver James, he describes how you cannot parent multiple children of different ages in the same way. His argument being the simple fact of a new edition results in both having a different experience from that moment forward. I think he’s right and it’s the same with leadership, each person on a team is different and for teams that have grown, there are people who have not had the same experience with the leader that the original people would have had.
So here’s the thing, nostalgia is nice and treating everyone the same is what most of us try to do. As a parent and leader I want to ensure I’m always moving forward not backward. I treat everyone the same, yet the reality is that’s not possible. Past experience is essential for personal growth, though emotional attachment and bias towards past solutions and experiences can have serious consequences. Consequences to our quality of life and success outcomes at work and in business.
I’m grateful for forward thinking that includes appreciation of the past. When I find myself thinking back to times gone by, I move to considering reflecting on appreciation for what’s been, rather than wanting it again. Time moves forward not backward, thinking in this way has really helped shape positive outcomes for me. If you find yourself getting nostalgic, try simply appreciating whatever it is rather than wanting what’s been.
“The past is the past. And the only direction in life that matters is forward. Never backwards.”
— Henry ‘Pop’ Hunter (Frankie Faison), Marvel’s Luke Cage, Season 1: Moment of Truth