…is that’s it’s lived not taught
“Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.”
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
As a 6 year old, my twin brother and I were left alone a lot. Luckily for us we had each other. We were living with our mum in the heart of the Cotswolds. My dad was still local at the time as it was 2 years before he left for Seattle.
There was a Saturday I’ll always remember, one where a particular adventure collided with reality. My dad was at the house, we loved seeing him as didn’t get that much time together. That day we ran into the kitchen where we saw he was holding one of our toy cars (a die cast metal one). It was pretty beaten and I’d forgotten where I’d left it so was pleased he had it.
“Where did you find that? I haven’t seen it in ages!” I said
“So it is yours?” My dad replied
“Yes, where did you get it?” I said, happily reaching to grab the toy out of his hand..
“The neighbour found it in his greenhouse” As he said this he pulled it away from me. I looked at my brother, his eyes showed the panic I was feeling.
“Uh, maybe it’s not ours?” I said
“Are you sure? You seemed pretty sure just now?” My dads tone had changed to a deeper more stern one and our mum was not looking so happy.
At that moment I remember thinking about lying, but lying wasn’t something I was good at and I knew we were caught, I fessed up.
“No, it’s ours” I replied.
In the weeks leading up to that time, my brother and I had spent hours carefully carrying out the destruction of our neighbours greenhouse. It began as a game, seeing if we could throw stones high and far enough over the wall till we heard the delicious sound of glass exploding.
What was a game became an addiction and the more we got away with it the more we wanted it to continue. We estimated a lot of glass panes to break and the thrill of smashing every one without getting caught was too much to resist. The game wasn’t about vandalism (we hadn’t really thought that through), it was about doing something we controlled, something we knew was against the rules.
When our mum asked one sunny day what all the smashing glass noise was, we told her it must be coming from the factory down the hill from us. When the neighbour came round and complained about vandals destroying his greenhouse we acted shocked and dismayed.
Then one day while grabbing stones, climbing onto the garage roof and taking a more accurate aim, one of us grabbed an old toy car mixed in with the stones from the driveway and threw it before thinking. If it wasn’t for that split second of carelessness I think we’d have gotten away with complete destruction.
I don’t remember if the Police got involved this time, I do remember being banished to our bedroom for many weeks and life being difficult for a while.
Looking back I regret the damage caused to that greenhouse and the stress we must have caused our neighbour. I don’t regret being truthful despite the consequences. Being truthful is something I still carry with me today, it’s an important principle, one that partners well with integrity.
I still prefer to break the rules. My default for everything is to find a way to do it differently or go against the tide. It’s the feeling of rebelling and exploring a path that may or may not lead to greatness I enjoy. At times that rebelling has made a big difference in my life, both good and bad.
In my gratitude journal I regularly thank the people who’ve believed in me over the years, those people who stuck with me despite some of the trouble I caused them and others. People who’ve shown me that the truth always comes out in the end and being truthful and owning up to poor decisions is part of a fulfilling life.
We all need people who stick by us and believe in our potential. Those that see in us what we don’t see in ourselves. Most of us have things in our lives we’re not proud of, things that some mistakenly believe define who we are. What defines who we are is how we grow, react and the principles we choose to live by.
I chose truth and integrity at a young age, I didn’t choose empathy for others nor fully care what was right and wrong until later on. Thankfully I had people around me to help make those future choices, without them I’m not sure I’d have done it alone, I’m more grateful than they’ll ever realise.
It would be great if we all had people in our lives that guide and show the way to a fulfilling life, one that does not negatively impact others. The best kind are the ones who don’t even know they are doing it.
“Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you”
Bob Marley