I recently read this Thrive post on understanding how to have what you want in life. It quickly helped me understand that I already know what to do in order to have what I want, and that gave me a little freedom and lighter feeling.
The method described reminds me a of the ten year plan for a remarkable life (put remarkably well by this blogger) Where Debbie Millman outlines the process she teaches to take a person on a semi-unconscious journey, a journey to a life they want to have ten years from now. If you haven’t done the exercise (or even if you have already) I recommend reading that particular blog post about it.
Ultimately we all know what must be done to achieve what we want out of life, so why do so many of us not do what’s needed? Is it comfort? Are we scared of the risks and what / who we might lose? For me it’s a bit of all three. It seems I’ve been unconsciously balancing my life in a way that gives me chunks of comfort, then I seem to go all out and create massive change. I’ve done this since I can remember, with bouts of travel, role changes and pushing myself to the limits mentally and emotionally. My recent move to a different work place, and then subsequent move to Denmark may also be the unconscious result of knowing what to lose in order to get closer to the freedom and life I desire. I’m not entirely sure though, as sometimes it feels I’m moving away from the life I want. The last 8 months were not a conscious plan, I wasn’t looking for a new workplace or country to live in.
“Do what you will. Even if you tear yourself apart, most people will continue doing the same things.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
With all the change I’ve made recently I’ve noticed it hasn’t come without its physical and mental problems. Weirdly, as much as I strive for continuous learning and experiences, my mind and body suffer due to it. There are days where I’m mentally and physically exhausted and I know my family are too, it’s hard. I’m grateful that what’s hard right now has been my own choice and not forced upon me, all in it’s actually a privileged position to be in.
So there are days where I doubt myself and my recent choices. This happens most when I see my 5 year old son struggling as he comes to terms with missing his friends. I also find myself wondering if I’m suited to a smaller company, one that has growing pains and not yet made it’s dent in the universe. I miss my friends too, most of whom I worked with for the last 18 years, where work was a social place. We worked hard, achieved great things and became close friends, that has all since changed.
“Now is the time to get serious about living your ideals. How long can you afford to put off who you really want to be? Your nobler self cannot wait any longer. Put your principles into practice – now. Stop the excuses and the procrastination. This is your life! […] Decide to be extraordinary and do what you need to do – now.” – Epictetus, The Art of Living
I’m going through the exercise in the article mentioned at the beginning of this post. On the one had it’s scary as we can’t always have what we want. On the other it’s freeing as simply knowing what to give up in exchange for what one wants is amazing. I’ve given up a lot to keep moving forward and despite the days where I have doubt, deep down I know I’m on the right track.